By Jacqueline Foley

When I walked into Christ Church on a Saturday night in January, I had no idea what awaited me. I was there to support a fundraiser for my friend Sharon Summerhayes and her husband Graham. Sharon was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer last fall and just a few weeks before the event had finished seven weeks of intense radiation treatment. Yet there she was at a table surrounded by a room full of 250 people gathered there to support her and her family. It was like entering into a giant group hug. And it felt good.

Of course, this is not the first time I have felt a strong sense of community in Stouffville. I saw it in the way neighbours shovelled our driveway when my husband went through treatment for colon cancer in 2002. I saw it in the weeks of donated meals and childcare support that was organized for a family who lost their baby. I saw it in the way a friend hand painted a traditional Ukrainian egg with symbols of hope for a fellow mom fighting breast cancer. And I saw it when a patient at my doctor’s office helped a man he didn’t know out to his car.

Small town, big heart

So what is it about Stouffville that makes people so caring and supportive? Dr. Jane Philpott believes that these “spontaneous expressions of community” are so powerful because they are so heartfelt. “This is about a group of individuals coming together to help a community member in crisis,” said Jane. “It’s not because people feel obligated to help, it’s because they want to.”

Founder of the ‘Give a Day to World AIDS’ fundraising campaign, Jane said she has been amazed by how much impact communities can have when they are able to really empathize with those suffering. “This is the good part of human nature,” said Jane. “We can put ourselves in another person’s shoes and think ‘that could be me.’ This inspires us to want to ease their pain.”

Jane used an example of a talk she did at the United Church last year about the AIDS pandemic in Africa. Two months later, they called and asked her to come in and pick up an envelope. Together, the congregation had collected $9,000 for the cause. “I was blown away,” said Jane.

Empathy in action

Georgia and Brad Stevens said the community made sure they never felt alone when Brad was diagnosed with leukemia in 1998. At the time, the couple had two young sons and a baby on the way. “Initially, people started asking us ‘what can we do to help?’” said Georgia. “And then they just stopped asking and started doing. We had three meals dropped off every week and people picking up our children from school daily. One day, while I was at the hospital, my neighbour came over and cleaned my entire house. It was amazing.”

Brad’s ongoing struggle with leukemia motivated a group of friends to come together again, five years after his initial diagnosis, to put on a fundraiser. It started with an organizing committee of 11 couples and a goal of selling 200 tickets to a dance. In the end, the event attracted 1,400 people and raised tens of thousands of dollars for the family. “It was the best night of my life,” said Brad. “Georgia and I were overwhelmed with emotion. We couldn’t believe all those people, many we didn’t even know personally, were there to support us. And we still carry that feeling with us today.”

It’s OK to ask for help

Of course accepting help is not always easy. Just ask Tamara Meikle-Stokes, who found it hard to lean on others when her third child was born seven weeks premature. “I’m a control freak so I found myself trying to organize everything from my hospital bed,” said Tamara. “But the reality was that I couldn’t do it alone. My husband, Andy, is the sole breadwinner so we couldn’t afford for him to be off work. And I had two small children at home who needed taking care of.”

A group of mothers from Tot Spot, a local parent and tot playgroup Tamara belongs to, came to the rescue with meals, child care, drives to the hospital and more. “I had never experienced that kind of community before,” said Tamara. “It taught me that it’s okay to ask for help when you need it. And that by letting people help you, you are helping them feel good too.”

We’re all in this together

Jane Philpott believes that community building comes from keeping our eyes open and looking for opportunities to support each other – in big and small ways. “This is what makes a community thrive,” said Jane, “when we recognize a threat to our collective wellbeing and we come together and rely on each other.”

Graham Summerhayes agrees. He and his family continue to rely heavily on support from friends and neighbours as Sharon recovers from her cancer treatment. His thank you speech at the recent fundraising event says it all. “In therapy, I talk with patients about the need to be held in a time of crisis – either physically or figuratively,” said Graham. “Our family feels held by this community.”

Hundreds of people gathered to support the Summerhayes family at a community fundraiser in January. Graham Summerhayes is on the right in the orange sweater with Sharon sitting directly behind him.

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